Motthew. Mayhem. Mindset.

Because non-attachment isn’t just philosophical—it’s practical AF for female founders and women in business

Hey there, Erin here! This week’s blog is a little personal and un-moth-ing believable. Sometimes ideas come to us like moths to a flame, sometimes we just spread our wings and fly, and sometimes it’s because a mothball made room for something new. It doesn’t really matter how stuff comes about it’s about not being attached…

They are in our houses, offices, businesses, cars, kid’s rooms, kitchens, closets, and in our computers, phones, and e-readers…it’s our “stuff”.

Some of us have more stuff than others, maybe because we buy it or can’t get rid of it. Maybe some of us have less stuff than others, maybe because we choose to buy less, choose to have less, or well the choice was made for us to have less. Either way, we all have stuff.

This blog was late because, of well, all the stuff. This time I’m talking about calendar “stuff.”

And some of us have more stuff than others, maybe because we schedule it or can’t say no. Maybe some of us have less stuff than others, maybe cause we choose to schedule less, choose to do less, or well the choice was made for us to not have so much on the schedule. Either way, we all have stuff.

I think you get the point. Anyway, there was stuff… and there always is stuff.

Want to hear a non-entrepreneurial story that is the most Non-BFD thing ever?!?! Ha, duh…I know you did!

The Non-BFD Mothpacalypse

I’m way behind on my own self-given deadlines stuff, which is about to snowball into making me behind on real deadlines for stuff. It never fails that when you’re running late, you can’t find your phone and it’s in your hand. Or, you’re mad as hell and your pant loop gets caught on some cabinet knob. Or, the WHERE THE F*CK ARE MY…oh, there you are… Those never happen when it’s convenient. EVER.

*This is a REAL story.*

I watched this funny instagram reel about a little British boy who named a moth, “Motthew.” Between his accent and his laugh, it’s basically f*cking hysterical. I showed it to my daughter, who also found it hysterical. Ever since then, we’ve called all moths “Motthew.”

About a week ago, we noticed Motthew in our house. I mean people have bugs. We aren’t gross. It’s Texas, we have flying roaches that are bigger than our lizards. It’s spring, there are moths. Anyway, Motthew paid us a visit. We didn’t think much of it.

Then one day while I was making lunches, Motthew had about 3 visitors. Weird, I thought. The next day I noticed them again…and unfortunately for him, I killed Motthew and his friends. They seemed like freeloaders…

But when I made lunch the next day, there Motthew and his friends were in our pantry, but there were like 5 of them. I’m like b*tch WTF. Dead. Each time I opened our pantry the dead moths were back and multiplied.

It was a busy week, I’ve been finishing up my second and final research project for my Masters (graduating in May, yeah yeah I’ve told you.) I’m working on finalizing two investment deals that I need to do some serious number crunching and analysis on so I can make my final decision. I also signed up for two networking events that take up a lot of time this week. So you know, there’s just so much stuff.

I’d finally gotten home from a long day, I’d had back-to-back meetings and a luncheon, and while they weren’t actually draining… it was just a lot of stuff in one day. I was ready for dinner, a glass of wine, and to just sit and chat with my hubby.

Finally, I went to make dinner and opened my pantry and BAM f*cking Motthew and his 10 friends stared me down like some of my sorority sisters did the time I didn’t have my hair bump teased enough for recruitment… Wow thanks, Motthew, triggering me like that. Then I realized what was really going on–Motthew was an actual squatter and made a nest in my pantry.

Yes, an actual moth’s nest–complete with eggs, larvae, cocoons, and little Motthew’s absolutely f*cking everywhere. Motthew took over all of my stuff inside my pantry. Anything I couldn’t clean or that wasn’t properly sealed was immediately trashed. I, of course, planned on finishing my other class’s homework assignment that evening. *Motthew laughs in the distance.*

Bye-bye to all my pantry stuff.

The Philosophy and Practice of Non-Attachment

Aparigraha, nekkhamma, equanimity, apatheia, and detachment are all non-attachment-based practices in different Eastern, Western, and ancient philosophies.

Aparigraha is one I learned in yoga, as part of the yamas in Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga. The Yamas are considered to be moral guidelines that you live in relation to yourself, and they can get REAL deep if you want them to. You can have them mean the physical stuff, the mental stuff, and/or the yoga stuff.

“Let your concern be with action alone, and never with the fruits of action. Do not let the results of action be your motive, and do not be attached to inaction.” - Bhagavad Gita.

Stoicism is another philosophical practice I also enjoy practicing and learning about. In Stoicism, the non-attachment is about focusing on our own internal response, and realizing we cannot control the outcome of others but only our own reactions. It’s about appreciating things without clinging to them.

Basically we aren’t supposed to concern ourselves with the outcome or the stuff, we should concern ourselves with the action we are taking right now.

Entrepreneurship, Business, and Non-Attachment

It’s not about the stuff.

I knew stuff was everywhere, and it’s been a practice of mine–not a great one, but I think about it from time to time. I’m really realizing though that it’s everywhere…just like Motthew’s family in our pantry.

Whether it’s all the stuff about a new idea in entrepreneurship and getting all the stuff figured out. Or it’s the investor in the entrepreneur wondering if all the stuff can actually get done or if it’s even the right stuff to be done.

Then it’s the stuff about product fit and client fit. It’s the stuff about holding on to a client for too long, holding on to an idea for too long, or holding on to our business for too long. It’s all that stuff too.

Then it’s all the stuff in our computers. It’s all the stuff we want to do but don’t have time. It’s all the stuff that always comes last.

I’ve said the word “stuff” (as of that one) 34 times, and I’m guessing each time you’ve made your own assumption or inserted your own “stuff” in it. (That means 35.) But like, it’s just stuff.

Reality Inventory: What’s Your Attachment to All That Stuff?

We’re borrowing from ancient wisdom and mixing it with a bit of modern chaos (thanks, Motthew) to help you take inventory of your life. These questions are based on four types of attachment: Sensory pleasures, Rites and rituals, Opinions and views, and Ego/self-identity—but we’re calling them what they are: Stuff that’s getting in your way.

Sensory Stuff–AKA Stuff That Feels Good, Until it Doesn’t. This stuff is about the things that bring temporary pleasure but end up becoming mental or physical clutter.

Ask yourself: What’s your equivalent of a pantry full of Motthew’s? Would you really miss it if you threw it away or got rid of that stuff?

Ritual Stuf–AKA Stuff You Do Because You’ve Always Done it. This stuff is all about habits, rituals, traditions, and calendars.

Ask yourself: What “feel-good” stuff is no longer feeling good, but you keep scheduling or saying yes to that stuff anyway?

Opinionated Stuff–AKA The Stuff You’re Arguing with Yourself About. This is the stuff that’s all about mental clutter, limiting beliefs, and those pesky judgments.

Ask yourself: What’s one opinion you have about your “stuff” that might be keeping you stuck?

Ego Stuff–AKA The Stuff That’s About Who You THINK You Are. This stuff is all about your identity, your titles, and your pride.

Ask yourself: What stuff are you holding on to because it makes you feel important or successful? What part of your calendar or closet is for someone else and not yourself?

Start by seeing your stuff for what it is: just stuff.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need a five-hour decluttering sesh (unless Motthew has moved in—then yes, go full burn-it-down). It starts with right now and getting present about the action you take, not the outcome or the stuff.

Whether it’s a pantry full of food, a client that left, an idea that you can’t quite get right, different colors on your calendar, or a relationship that you can’t quite cultivate–the hardest part is realizing it’s all just stuff and it’s a forever practice for all of us.

You are not your stuff.
You are courageous, capable, and strong—even when Motthew multiplies. 🖤