Dear Self, "Stop Making Your Life Hard"
How Founders Can Rewire Their Mindset and Get Out of Their Own Way
Hey there, Erin here!
This week’s blog sucks. Why? Because who am I to even call myself a writer?
No joke, this is sh*t I say to myself all the time. I have SUCH a hard time calling myself an author or writer, despite blogging as long as I’ve been a business owner, and oh yeah..NEWS FLASH SELF: I AM A PUBLISHED F*CKING AUTHOR. (*Face Palm*)
One time, a “friend” told me, “Yeah, well, anyone can be an author.” And that is the moment I realized: We are most def NOT friends anymore.
After 10+ years of entrepreneurship, sitting through hundreds of startup pitches, mentoring students from Rice and the University of Houston, and navigating my own mess of business evolution, turns out I’m pretty damn good at helping people understand their business models and how to tweak them.
People keep suggesting I become a consultant.
And while I’m not ready for clients again (LOL hard pass—for now), I’m definitely saying YES to helping others grow.
Right now, I’m mentoring students in a summer accelerator program—basically an 8-week crash course in launching or scaling your business. Perfect for anyone not ready for grad school but hungry to build.
Startup Strategy Tip: Stop Making Your Life Hard
The students just wrapped up their customer discovery phase. Translation? They talked to real humans to figure out if the business they’re building actually solves a real problem.
Think about it like this:
Let’s say you design a new shower drain to trap hair. You hate pulling hair from the drain (gross), so you create a solution. But after talking to people, you realize your new drain still requires you to pull the hair out manually. So… it’s not a real solution. You pivot.
How about this idea:
Gyms and fitness studios are expensive. You want to create a well-rounded fitness app that offers AI that shows different workouts, nutrition, and training services tailored to each of your clients' needs.
You start talking to clients about their fitness goals and workouts. They like going to the gym because of accountability and connection with others. They don’t feel motivated by at-home workouts.
Maybe then you ask why they are working out in the first place, is it to lose weight? Build Muscle? Be overall “healthy?” (This can help start your audience segments.)
But then you realize that the people you are talking to at the gym don’t want to be interrupted during their workouts to talk to you or you feel uncomfortable approaching them because they have headphones on, etc.
What is the easiest fix for this?
Hang out at the lobby of the gym and talk to people AFTER they are done working out. You could even set up a table with some sort of free electrolyte drink and ask them questions then!
BOOM - Don’t make your life hard.
That is almost the EXACT conversation that I had.
When the Real Block Isn’t Strategy—It’s You
This month is all about how disconnection is part of your growth strategy, and sometimes that means disconnecting from the box you put yourself in, and really, the sh*t you say to yourself.
As we kept talking about the customer discovery, another comment was made, “but I’m not an entrepreneur, I’m a (insert the person’s job title.) I’m just not used to this stuff.”
That is somewhat factual…but let’s pause.
I obviously had a witty comeback to their comment, because I said, “Okay, but ask yourself how many people you know running a business went straight into it, going, “I’m an entrepreneur.”
OR did they say…
“I’m a pediatrician who decided to open my own practice.”
“I’m a yoga teacher who decided to open my own studio.”
“I’m an artist who opened an Etsy shop.”
“I’m an actor who opened a production studio.”
Real Talk
Was Sara Blakely a fashion designer? NO!
She cut the feet off pantyhose to wear under her white jean, and THAT is how Spanx started. She sold fax machines and crushed it at selling her brand Spanx. She did what she does best - SALES.
Negative Self-Talk Is a Business Strategy Killer
Negative self-talk is real, and it’s really f*cking scary. We all do it.
I’ve talked a lot about it on this blog, even recently at the end of May, when I stayed in bed all day because everyone hated me… so I said to myself in my head.
I know I’m not alone in this, and neither are you.
In my research with other female founders, it wasn’t imposter syndrome that most of us struggled with, it’s:
The Comparison Trap
Perfectionism
Fear of Failure
Devaluing our own work
And all the d*mn SHOULDs
Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset for Entrepreneurs
In the book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, Ph.D., she discusses the research on fixed mindset vs growth mindset. She says that your mindset matters WAY more than your IQ. (I mean now that I’m an “A” student and everything ya’ll will have to catch up, jk jk.)
Fixed Mindset: “I’ll always be just a [fill in the blank].”
A fixed mindset is all about believing your abilities and your intelligence are just how they are. You were born like that, and you’ll “...always be a (FILL IN THE BLANK WITH THAT THING YOU ALWAYS SAY) and never a successful entrepreneur.”
Growth Mindset: “I can develop this skill, even if I’m not there yet.”
A growth mindset is all about believing that your abilities and your intelligence can be developed. By having this type of mindset, you are more likely to embrace challenges, learn from your mistakes and criticisms, and find inspiration in the success of others… not feel threatened or bogged down by it.
Then there’s the Self-Efficacy Theory by Albert Bandura. His theory suggests that it’s not about the skills you possess, it’s whether or not you believe in how you use your skills to achieve your goals.
Think of it like this: if Sara Blakely was really great at sales, and she knew she was and she believed she was…she knew that she could stand inside Neiman Marcus and sell the f*ck out of her new brand Spanx. But what if she didn’t, would Spanx exist today?
Female Founders Who Didn’t Let Self-Doubt Win
SO MANY female founders reframed their mindsets. They didn’t make their lives hard by telling themselves they suck.
Let these names live rent-free in your “Why not me?” file:
Jaime Kern Lima, Founder of IT Cosmetics, discussed how her gut told her she needed to keep going, eventhough there was no signs of “success” anywhere. Check out her book, Believe It.
Melanie Perkins, Co-Founder of Canva, dealt with so many NOs when it came to getting funding for their business. She focused on her mission, which she wholeheartedly believed in, because she knew it would change the world. Seriously though, where would we all be without Canva now?!?!
Reshma Saujani, Founder of Girls Who Code, she ran for US Congress and lost. She was so focused on perfectionism that losing ended up transforming her and she set out on a mission to empower girls in technology. Want goosebumps of inspiration, watch her TEDtalk.
It’s time to disconnect from the bullsh*t you’re saying to yourself, and stop making your life so hard.
Strategies for Self-Doubt
Whatever self-doubt or sh*tty things you’re saying to yourself, there are some practical tools and strategies to help shift your thinking:
Awareness: You have to realize when you are thinking like this.
Reframing Negative Statements: No more “I’m just a (FILL IN THE BLANK AKA: STICK IN THE MUD.)” Swap it to, “My (FILL IN THE BLANK) skills is a unique asset to my entrepreneurial journey.” BOOM.
Create Affirmations: These are just short statements you can repeat to yourself when needed. Even something as simple as, “I got this.”
Practice Self-Compassion: Be nice to yourself. I love that meme that’s like “Be nice to yourself. Self: Yeah b*tch, be nicer to yourself.”
Celebrate the Small Wins: Wow, where have you heard this before?
Build a strong support system: Get rid of your sh*tty friends and surround yourself with people who believe in you too.
Focus on your WHY: It’s all about purpose, that is your compass.
Reality Inventory: Are You in a Fixed Mindset or Growth Mindset?
Spoiler: You can’t scale a business if your self-talk is scaling the BS.
FIXED MINDSET THINKING (Check all that apply)
You might be stuck in the “I’m not built for this” box if...
I avoid new challenges unless I know I’ll succeed
When someone else wins, I immediately feel like I’m losing
I often think, “I’m just not good at ___, and never will be”
I wait until something is perfect before I put it out into the world
I take feedback personally (like… I cry and then ghost everyone for a week)
I downplay my achievements (yes, even the “small” ones)
I avoid asking for help because I “should already know this”
I find myself saying:
“I’m just a yoga teacher / artist / coder / mom / insert your non-entrepreneur label here”
“I’m not really an entrepreneur, I just have this idea…”
“I’ll never be as successful as her.”
If you're checking a lot here, your mindset might be fixed — or just fixated on survival mode.
GROWTH MINDSET THINKING (Check all that apply)
You’re building more than a business — you’re building belief, if you...
See mistakes as data, not disasters
Ask “What can I learn from this?” instead of “Why do I suck?”
Know that your skills can grow (even if you’ve been ghosted by Excel)
Reframe thoughts like: “I’m not tech-savvy” → “I’m learning tech my way”
Celebrate your progress — yes, even launching the landing page counts
Surround yourself with people who get it (not the ones who say “anyone can write a book”)
Take brave action even when you're not 100% "ready"
Replace “should” with “could” and see how it shifts everything
Catch yourself in the act of self-sabotage and say, “not today, imposter syndrome.”
If you're checking more of these, your growth mindset is showing — and it looks damn good on you.
So, What Now?
If your checks are mixed (or you’re mad at this list), congrats: you’re a human with a brain that can change.
That’s the whole point, HA!
Try this:
Pick 1 fixed-mindset belief from above.
Reframe it using your strengths (like the “I’m just a ___” exercise).
Practice that belief daily — sticky note it, affirm it, whatever it takes. Tell your cat, IDGAF, just do what works.
Just Remember
You don’t need to have a Ph.D. in positive psychology or perfect productivity tools.
You just need to believe that you can build your business with the skills you already have — and the belief that they’ll grow.
You’re courageous.
You’re capable.
You’re strong.
Say YES to growth.
Say YES to disowning your inner critic.
Say YES to building the business (and life) you want—using your mindset as your strongest asset.
(P.S. When in doubt, use “Cara” or Jenn when needed to block out the BS on your calendar for you!)