A House of Horrors, but it’s really all in your head
How to Overcome Negativity Bias and Reclaim Mindfulness in Entrepreneurship
Hey there, Erin here! This week’s blog is all about waiting for the other shoe to drop... So, what do chainsaws, ghosts, and a flickering light all have to do with each other? Another scary entrepreneurial story of course!
They are on the sides of highways, in the middle of corn fields, and lurking in storage facilities. You turn the corner and BAM - the chainsaw. A zombie comes running over to you, you scream…then pee your pants. It’s dark hallway after dark hallway full of screams, terror, and what’s even more f*cked, up you paid to experience it.
Just a real quick disclaimer: I have never been to a haunted house, nor will I ever go to a haunted house. But, I have seen them on shows like The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon 🤣. Here’s a hilarious video of Jimmy and Prince Harry experiencing a haunted house together.
However… there is one that is much worse (IMO) that I do frequent and you probably do too - The House of Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop. YUUUUUP.
It’s that looming sensation of dread, the unmistakable feeling something bad is BOUND to happen. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. There’s no escaping it either. The other shoe is coming, we just have no idea when it will appear, and what makes it so terrifying is that is shows up in both business and real life.
As someone who suffers from anxiety, this specific type of house of horrors is something I deal with daily. It’s like I’m waiting for disaster to strike at any moment, and it’s mentally exhausting. The constant hypervigilance, stress, and looking over my shoulder puts my body into high alert and stress mode. Then, *not shocking news* this can speed up the burnout process, or lead to higher levels of anxiety and stress. It’s basically like living in your own haunted house where the tension never gets released. F*ck that sounds terrible and terrifying, but it’s oh so real.
Negativity Bias
I tend to categorize myself as a pessimistic person, which means I tend to focus on the negative for a lot of things. This is called negativity bias, and it’s when we focus on when things *might* go wrong. We may think “We need to prepare for the worst,” but in reality, it’s not actually preparing us for anything because it’s self-sabotage keeping us in fear and anxiety mode. (another disclaimer: I’m not talking about emergency situations or other situations in which someone says “Prepare for the worst” like it’s a stated fact.) I’m especially speaking about when the creature in your head said it to you because you’ve thrown yourself into The Haunted “Shoe Drop” House. This constant negativity usually isn’t linked to one thing and can feel like constant dread - it’s like the part where the light in the basement just keeps flickering, and flickering, and flickering, and you’re just waiting for something to happen… *flicker* *flicker*
The problem, we (okay, I) trap ourselves in the Haunted House, and it can feel like forever before we find our way out.
Reality Inventory: A Mindfulness Exercise
One of the ways my therapist talks to me about this often is asking the question we *think* we know the answer to:
“What’s the worst that will *actually happen*?”
Obviously, there are risks and chances associated, and all of those “if you get struck by lightning” bull sh*t you may already be trying to sabotage this question with. STOP IT.
Break your fears up into three (3) categories:
Real and Imminent (The guy with the chainsaw is DIRECTLY in front of you, kinda thing) - These are things happening right now, in real-time. Will you have enough money for payroll? Did you forget to pick your kid up from school?
Probably, but totally manageable - These are things that *could* happen, but you still have some control. Like, your client might cancel their account, and they may tell you “We have to stop everything,” but you have another client waiting to start. Or, you *might* not make that deadline, but you have a really great reason why.
The Phantom Fears many of us like to call “Intrusive Thoughts” - These are sneaky…they feel SO REAL but have ZERO facts or reality behind them. “What if everyone quits tomorrow?” “What if people think I’m a fraud and they don’t buy anything?” I mean, you know more or less what’s in your head and I don’t really know if you want to hear all of the crazy things in mine…
Here’s where mindfulness does the trick: once you categorize and call out your fears, your fears start to lose a little bit of power. You end up seeing the plastic on the chainsaw, and it doesn’t start to look so scary, or even the clown still has a tag on its pants, and you’re like, how am I scared of a clown in Costco sweats!?!? Then the ghosts fly over you, only to realize they seriously didn’t use clear string but blue!?!
The rewiring of fear to practicing mindfulness can truly help you stay present and build resilience, you give yourself the ability to find your exit out of the haunted house instead of staying trapped inside.
So next time you feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, do a Reality Inventory and remember: The only thing haunting you is your own mind playing tricks. Instead of preparing for the next scare, take a deep breath and look around. You might find the only ghost in the room is the one you invited in.
Because you, my friend, are too courageous, capable, and strong to live in a haunted house of your own making. 👻